Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Oh My Word! I'm a jigsaw puzzle with far too many pieces missing...

Source: pixabay

I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me. Spent my life wanting a genuine friend, felt lonely for a good part of my life, and struggle understanding thoughts and feelings. I'm convinced I simply don't belong or fit in, that there is something fundamentally wrong with my wiring. I see people socialising and making it all look so easy. They are popular, liked, and others take time for them.

I cry, often, and can't seem to balance my emotions, or ignore a longing to be loved. Which is strange because there are two people in my life who love me. I guess it's a different kind of love I'm needing, that is where the hurt truly exists.

I fail to recognise social cues and cannot read body language, too often I don't get a joke and instead take it the wrong way. My balance isn't great and I seem to struggle steering around people in town. I feel stupid and slow.

A now retired Gp suggested that I might be on the autistic spectrum, yet I'm scared to find out by taking it further.

So, I keep moving forward through life, confused and alone. Even in company I'm alone and that is what I don't understand.

I'm ugly both inside and out. At least, that's all I believe. Online friends say I'm nice, and look nice, but I don't see it at all. Mirrors are my worst enemy.

It's no secret that I've suffered with mental health issues through life, since childhood. I'm insecure. I've self-harmed, and taken an overdose on a number of occasions - one that could have been very life threatening as my heart was at risk.

Over the past few months I've focused on caring for me, loving all that I am. Last week I started a diet to be fit and healthy, with a goal to horse ride in a year's time. I'm not the most patient of people, but I want this to happen!

My greatest fear is moving onward alone. Not having a special friend to share it all with. I keep believing that I'm unlovable, that no one in their right mind would want to spend time with me.

I'm a jigsaw puzzle with far too many pieces missing.

Friday, April 26, 2019

Ash vs Alien Files #1 - The Curse of Ripley

Ellen Ripley and the Xenomorph (ALIEN³)

Many franchises seem to be a divisive issue these days, you can't afford to have an opinion without someone wanting to tear your soul apart. Thankfully fans aren't Cenobites, so no blood loss or physical torment. Mentally and emotionally, however, can be quite draining if you let it. The problem arises from passion, we're all passionate about what we love. And franchises are deeply loved by fans. So much so that many can't accept changes to their movie or television series, or embrace something that doesn't fit in with established continuity. They want more of the same, or complain that it is too much the same and when given a radical shift from the norm they complain that it's too different, and want more of how it was before.

Being a director can be a thankless job these days.

I've been obsessed with the Alien franchise since the late eighties, having watched Aliens (1986) for the first time on VHS. It was a breathtaking ride of sci-fi and horror, with plenty of action and state-of-the-art special effects. I had not seen anything like it. The Xenomorph was the stuff of nightmares, as it had meant to be. We were introduced to Hadley's Hope, a small colony on the moon of Acheron (originally named LV-426) after it had fallen prey to the aliens. Ellen Ripley (played superbly by Sigourney Weaver) was persuaded to return to the moon where it had all began for her - in Alien (1979) she had first visited LV-426 with the crew of the commercial space tug USCSS Nostromo, a nightmarish mission that would later see the deaths of everyone except Ripley.

While on Acheron for the second time, Ripley encounters a young survivor, a girl named Rebecca Jorden, known to everyone except her brother as "Newt". They immediately form a bond. This is one of the parts that I like most about Aliens, and Carrie Henn's performance is outstanding. "My mommy always said there were no monsters - no real ones - but there are, aren't there?"

Following this viewing, it was inevitable that I would delve into Ridley Scott's original 1979 masterpiece sooner or later. Funnily enough, compared to the busyness of Aliens, its predecessor felt a little... bare. One alien, no weapons at the crew's disposal except for flame throwers. It was a fun experience, though not one I warmed to instantly. In truth, I had been spoiled by the sequel, and had to learn to accept Alien on its own merits. This I eventually succeeded in doing, and I now regard the first movie as one of the best in the franchise.

In 1992 came the third and final instalment in what I regard as Ellen Ripley's trilogy: Alien 3, directed by David Fincher. This is where fans are split in their support and admiration. Many people have felt that it was wrong, insulting even, to kill Newt and Captain Dwayne Hicks off screen, instead casting Ripley to a prison colony to face off against yet another single alien creature. Surely two of the most popular characters from Aliens deserved better? Well, as much as I adore Newt, for me the first three movies were always part of what I refer to as the 'Shakespearean tragedy of Ripley', for it was Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley who was destined to be haunted by this nightmare as her life unfolded beyond her control.

Her daughter, Amanda, was only 10-years-old when Ripley took a job that would ultimately lead her to LV-426 (Alien). First tragedy, the loss of the Nostromo crew; third tragedy, returning home to Earth 57 years later after her "lifeboat" the Narcissus was found drifting through space by a passing salvage vessel, and learning that Amanda had grown old and died (Aliens).

Notice I skipped something? If you are at all familiar with Alien: Out of the Shadows (the first in a published canonical Alien trilogy) you will know that Ripley had actually been awoken thirty-seven years after her Nostromo incident, by the crew of the DSMO Marion orbiting LV-178, also called New Galveston. They, too, are being plagued by Xenomorphs and the reality of their situation, Ripley discovers, is that the vessel will burn up in the planet's atmosphere. Their only hope: the Narcissus! To complicate matters, they must replace the shuttle's empty fuel cell by going down to LV-178 to obtain fuel from a mining colony. On the planet surface - why is it never easy? - they face further aliens. You might be wondering why Ellen Ripley never recalls this encounter in further movies? Well, read the book and find out. Her experiences on the Marion is the second tragedy.

The sacrifice of Ellen Ripley on Fiorina 161 (ALIEN³)

Fourth tragedy, the massacre of Hadley's Hope and the marines that accompany Ripley to the moon. Newt is Ripley's connection to the colony, as we learn that the girl's family was killed (you can learn more about the fall of Acheron in Christopher Golden's Alien: River of Pain novelisation). There is a beautiful mother-daughter relationship between the two, especially when you realise that they have both suffered loss. Though not a replacement for Amanda, could Newt become the child that Ripley needs? This finally leads to tragedy five and six: Newt's off-screen death and Ripley's sacrifice (Alien 3).

It is clear that our protagonist was never meant to meet a happy ending. Those that she loved were taken from her, hope quickly snatched at every turn. And all because of the alien...

Alien, Aliens and Alien 3 (and Alien: Out of the Shadows) combined tell the extraordinary tale of a curse. This becomes even more significant when you take into account Alien: Isolation, a story that explains Amanda Ripley's own encounter with the Xenoporph. And don't get me started on Alien: Sea of Sorrows, this is when things just get weird...

I've omitted Alien Resurrection as this movie features Ripley Clone 8, and not 'the' Ellen Ripley. This is a different story entirely and one that deserves its own article.


Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Monica Enid Dickens... The True Lady of Follyfoot

Monica Dickens.
Source: Desert Island Discs, BBC, 1951

Just who is Monica Dickens? Well, firstly, her surname gives us a clue as to who she is related to. Yes, none other than English writer Charles Dickens (1812-1870). But there is far more to this woman than just being the great-granddaughter of a literary genius. Though I have been a fan of Mr Dickens' work for decades, I was totally oblivious to his family tree. It is ironic, then, that I became an even greater fan of a series of books... and a television series based on one of those books: Follyfoot.

Monica was born in London on 10th May 1915, her parents were Henry Charles Dickens (1878–1966) and Fanny Dickens (née Runge). Sadly not much is known about Fanny except that she herself was born in Camberwell, London, in 1876; she was married to Henry in 1904 (Chelsea Registration District, London), sadly her death is unknown. Monica had a sister: Doris Elaine Mary Danby (née Dickens). The girls' upbringing was very middle class - Henry was a barrister - but Monica became disenchanted by the life around her. Not only was she expelled (she had attended St Paul's Girls' School, London) but Monica entered into domestic service. It is not what her father would have wished, I'm sure.

Her literature reflected the work she did, examples being the memoir One Pair Of Hands (1939) highlighting her experiences as a domestic servant and One Pair Of Feet (1942) in which she wrote about her time as a nurse. Her career at the Hertfordshire Express newspaper (published in Hitchin, Hertfordshire, England) led to the book My Turn to Make the Tea (1951).

Monica married U.S Navy officer Roy O. Stratton in 1951 and migrated to the United States where they later adopted two girls called Pamela and Prudence. Her writing never stopped, with most of her work still set in England. She was also a passionate humanitarian and helped establish the first U.S Samaritans in Massachusetts in 1974. She worked closely with the Samaritans, the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children and the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. It is the latter that influenced her novel Cobbler's Dream (1963) which, in the 1970s, was adapted into a popular British television show called Follyfoot. Due to its success, Monica wrote follow-up titles Follyfoot (1971), Dora at Follyfoot (1972), The Horses of Follyfoot (1975), and Stranger at Follyfoot (1976). The year prior to Cobbler's Dream, the author had visited The Home of rest for Horses (renamed The Horse Trust in 2006) and had been so touched by their tireless work that it became the influence for the Farm in the 1963 publication.

Between 1939 and 1992 she wrote many books, inspired those who met her and lived an extraordinary life, memories and experiences that she could share through her literature. In 1978 she had published an autobiography titled An Open Book. After her husband's death, in 1985, Monica returned to the UK where her career as a writer continued until her own death on Christmas Day in 1992. She was 77 years old.

Her final book, One of the Family (1993), was published posthumously.

When I think of my passion for Follyfoot, it dawns on me just how alike one of the characters is to Monica: Dora is from a privileged family who chooses to work on a farm and care for horses, she doesn't mind the hard labour at all, actually embracing the freedom that her new position brings. Dora's mother is set against her continuing at Follyfoot but her uncle, who owns the farm, signs it over to her so that she becomes Lady of Follyfoot. In fact, first book Cobbler's Dream was a tale that raised brutal awareness of the cruelty inflicted on horses; it was far from being a light-hearted read.

Her work lives on, some titles have even been digitised for the eBook market. And thanks to Follyfoot and its accompanying Yorkshire Television series, which ran in the UK from 1971 to 1973, there is much gratitude for a woman who rebelled, found her own path and forged a remarkable writing career.

Pages of interest:

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

FilmLight - Whose Robot?

Silent Running. Image source: IMDb

On a much lighter subject than my previous article for FilmLight, this time I take a look at... robots! Whether they be service androids, or killing machines, there have been plenty to stir the imagination and entertain. But what are your favourites? "Whose Robot?" aims to check out some of the best, least known, or most dangerous... Though Star Wars legends R2-D2 and BB-8 are obvious, it is my mission to reveal some surprises or two (in no particular order), and take a look back at childhood memories. As an adult, I have equal respect for the following characters...

"It calls back a time when there were flowers all over the Earth... and there were valleys. And there were plains of tall green grass that you could lie down in - you could go to sleep in..."

My first choice is 1972 sci-fi drama "SILENT RUNNING", starring Bruce Dern as a resident botanist aboard space freighter Valley Forge, whose job it is to maintain the last remaining plant life from planet Earth, now protected in geodesic domes, one of which is attached to the freighter. Following orders to destroy the domes and return to Earth, Freeman Lowell (Dern) acts against orders, sacrificing the lives of his three colleagues in order to preserve at least one of the enclosed forests. Though it is ultimately Dern who makes the movie, my heart will always remain with one of the drones (service robots) designated to serve aboard the freighter: Dewey (Drone 1), whose very last scene had this viewer crying. Hard to believe, I know, but true. I was young at the time of watching, but the sentiment I feel is present during every viewing, enhanced by the beauty vocals of folk singer Joan Baez - if you have not yet heard the song "Rejoice in the Sun" then please try and listen at some point, it is simply divine!

"If there's any justice at all, the black hole will be your grave!"

My second choice is for the 1979 Disney classic "THE BLACK HOLE". Forget friendly robot V.I.N.CENT (which stands for "Vital Information Necessary CENTralized"), my choice here is Maximilian, one of the most frightening killing machines in cinematic history. Styled as a galactic red Samurai, the creation of Dr. Hans Reinhardt has a will of its own, clearly disobeying orders when necessary. If I was to compare it in any way then I would perhaps say there was a deep malevolence similar to that of 1977 movie feature "The Car", a faceless menace whose motives are unclear and monstrous. Following the film's release, a number of action figures were launched - I can just imagine owning one in my childhood, of Maximilian, the nights spent wondering whether the toy box would open of its own accord, a glowing red eye staring back at me from the end of my bed...

"The quickest way to end a miracle, is to ask it why it is and want it wants."

My third choice for this FilmLight special is the beautifully-filmed "BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED", released in 1987 and starring then real-life married couple Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy as an ageing couple whose apartment and business (a cafe) are under attack from a property developer whose plans for construction are hindered by their refusal to sell up. The origins of the "The Fix-Its" is uncertain, and perhaps they are not even strictly regarded as "robots", but they are too adorable to miss out from this list. They are living "machines", alien life-forms who have a desire to repair everything in sight. Director Matthew Robbins is good friends with the magic circle of film makers including George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, and the warmth that is associated with many of their own movies shines throughout this emotionally-touching masterpiece.

The future? Image source: Robocop

"I am now authorized to use physical force!"

Though clumsy and unreliable, my fourth choice comes in the form of ED-209, the armed Enforcement Droid seen in 1987'S "ROBOCOP" (and subsequent sequels). It will forever stand out in my memory simply because of that one scene in which, malfunctioning, it kills a company board executive during a demonstration of its abilities. There is something deeply unnerving about constructing these type of machines as "officers" of the law, and the thought of seeing one in any city is nothing less than a nightmare scenario, "You have 20 seconds to comply." You can see its potential in warfare, but as a peacekeeping droid it is both unpredictable and far too terrifying to approach for the average citizen. Could you even ask it for directions? Not everyone will have satellite navigation...

"Number 5 is alive."

Coming fifth is the wonderfully charming 1986 comedy "SHORT CIRCUIT", the story of a prototype military robot ("Number 5") that becomes self-aware after a freak accident and escapes the top secret project installation. The now-sentient robot eventually befriends Stephanie Speck (played by the fabulous Ally Sheedy) and a fun-packed movie unfolds. To my joy, a sequel followed, in 1988, both being written by Brent Maddock and S.S. Wilson (also involved in previously mentioned "Batteries Not Included") - the casting of actress Cynthia Gibb in the follow-up is a welcome change, though a cameo from Sheedy would have been the icing on the cake! Welsh singer Bonnie Tyler said, "We need a Hero" (listen to the song "Holding Out for a Hero"), and Johnny 5 (as the robot became known) is the most heart-warming of them all!

"I wish you would talk! You know you can; why won't you talk?"

In sixth place I had to go with another killer machine that, in my opinion, is just as memorable as "The Black Hole"'s Maximilian: 1980's "SATURN 3". Starring a cast of three (Farrah Fawcett, Kirk Douglas and Harvey Keitel), the setting is Titan, Saturn's third moon, where colleagues and lovers Adam (Douglas) and Alex (Fawcett) work in a research station. Their peace is soon disturbed by the arrival of Captain Benson (Keitel). The newcomer's mission is to build a robot that will, it is believed, replace one of the scientists. This is where everything changes... The captain isn't who he claims to be, and the robot, now named "Hector", turns deadly! Though the movie didn't match up to other great sci-fi of its time, there is something intriguing about its simplistic style and pace.

This list could go on and on, with so many wonderful robots out there in cinema. So, for now, I will leave you to consider your own favourites. And perhaps, this subject will return again with "Whose Robot 2?"